A Glimmer Of Hope
Believe in yourself and the rest will fall into place.
Growing up, I had the privilege of having parents that believed in me before I could believe in myself. I had several doctors who believed in me and chose techniques that bettered my quality of life. My parents never treated me as being any different than any other kid and would allow me to try anything I wanted (except soccer). Throughout the school years I despised gym class, I despised having to do anything athletic in front of my peers (except golf, I could've probably beat you in that). At a young age you don’t understand why you are so different and you already walk around trying to defend yourself that the last thing you want to happen is to fail at something in front of them. My parents were told that I may never walk, let alone ride a bike. It wasn't until later in life I heard that verdict and I will always use that as strength during the tough times. I may not be able to walk?? Well sir, because of you I walk, run, golf, I am a yogi and I can do anything I set my mind to.
Don't get me wrong, I have had my fair share of bumps in the road to get to where I am today. And let me make it clear that I am not where I want to be yet. I have so much more to accomplish on this ongoing journey. I have had my fair share of insurance denials, skin infections, legs breaking or being defective, product cancelations and denials, growing out of sockets quickly, colostomy products not matching, convincing yourself it's OK to be different and so on. I have had so many bumps in the road that I truly expect things to not go right until I fight to make my outcome what it needs to be. The most important part is to not allow any bumps in the road to stop me from wanting more, to wanting better, every day.
One of my most spoken about stories is from my freshmen year of high school. I grew up going to a little catholic school with a class size of 50 kids, to transitioning into a public high school of a class over 700 kids. To say the transition was difficult would be an understatement. Because of how poorly my gym experience was growing up, I was hesitant on having to take it in high school. We weren't even a week into the class and my leg breaks. I am not talking a malfunction of the knee, it literally broke in half into two separate pieces in front of 60 kids I had never met and two teachers I did not spend 9 years with. Needless to say, it takes a traumatizing (now funny) experience like that to move forward and face the next one.
What I have learned is to fight for yourself, your needs and your wants. You are worthy and you are enough. In my mind our system is broken. You truly have to be your own advocate. I can assure you that not many (probably none) of the receptionists at all of my doctors offices enjoy having me as a patient. But at the end of the day I get what I want. I get shit done. With that, I allow myself to be seen and to be heard. I work for the help I need for the outcome I deserve, and you should too. Just like anything in life, it's not always easy but it is always worth it. Currently, I am not winning. Life is truly testing my limits. I have fought to get an MRI for my shoulder for over four weeks now. I have been the best advocate for myself and it hasn't worked out yet. I have truly fought with individuals to get in and when I finally got myself an appointment after taking myself to the ER (I was desperate) I showed up for my appointment and they had canceled it on me. So here I am, four weeks without an MRI and not knowing if I have a torn rotator, labrum, deltoid or all three. Yes, I just got back on my feet and will be starting all over again. But I do have an MRI tomorrow morning and I know we will figure it out and I will move forward, like always.
Moral of this post, don't ever give up. Believe in yourself and the world around you. This life is a beautiful journey and we are all so lucky to be given another day, another chance, another opportunity to change the world around us.
"I believe in the sun even when it is not shining
I believe in love even when I cannot feel it
I believe in God even when he is silent"
"There is always a glimmer in those who have been through the dark"